Panning for Gold

Howdy!!! So, last week I finished the Book of Mormon, it was a reading frenzy, I DEVOURED it! I started it again Sunday night because there is still SO much left in there for me....it's like panning for gold, I never know when or where but, I find little nuggets hidden all over the place. Just when I think I have read and studied and prayed upon certain verses until I know them inside and out, BAM there it is, my golden nugget....the word of the Lord is so powerful! The word is a little sneaky too...gotta search those jokers out and pin 'em down :)

I have been studying a lot about the importance of setting goals and prayer. 

One of my favorite quotes right now is from Corrie Ten Boom:

"My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me.

I cannot choose the colors

He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas

And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the weaver’s skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned

He knows, He loves, He cares;

Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those

Who leave the choice to Him.”

I am sad to say that I will leave my mission having not seen N--- baptized. I know that The Lords plan is his own and his time frame does not need to coincide with mine....but, still my heart hurts that I cannot stay until he is ready. Addiction is a powerful beast, although  I have never known it, both before my mission and during it, I have seen how it can rip entire families to pieces leaving only sorrow and tears in its wake....he is one of the strongest men I have ever known, he reminds me so much of daddy....I know, I KNOW he can overcome this....continue to keep him and his family is your prayers. 

I am coming home....I can't not think about it because every person I see, every member we talk to, every lesson we teach, it ALWAYS comes up! I am trying not to focus on it, or even think about it...but, the truth is I'M COMING HOME!!!

Things I am going to miss:

1. The people! I truly LOVE them!

2. Seeing green.....everywhere

3. Having seasons

4. NOT having to pump my own gas!

5. Wild raspberry & blackberry bushes....everywhere!

6. Rainy days

7. Having a companion

8. The "Christmas Morning" excitement I feel EVERY Monday when I get to email mommy & daddy

9. Getting care packages/mail Every single day! 

10. Being a missionary! 

Things I'm ready to come home to:

1. To meet my sisters!!

2. Real Mexican Food

3. Napping!

4. Wearing jeans...whenever I want! :)

5. The sun!

6. Not having to limit my wardrobe to two suitcases 

7. Going shooting with daddy

8. Family movie night

9. Going shopping with Mik

10. Sleeping in...LATE!

Actually my entire list could have been on the various modes of sleeping that I am looking forward to but, I felt like grandma would be judging me when she reads this! :) For the record, my grandma told me that if I didn't learn to clean my room or "train" myself to get before 10 am, that I would not make it on my mission....kinda think grandma was a little worried I'd be "returned home" for being a lazy sloth! HA! I made it grandma ;)

Also, for the record, mommy & daddy sent me the best coming home package ever and for all those who will one day have returning missionaries, you should get the details!(cause its too much to type)

Love you all! Oh and did you know I'm coming home! 2 Weeks!!! 

Hot Mess of Emotions!

To sum up the past week in a nut shell I would say... Heavenly Father is trying to make a joke out of my life. Let me just vent for a moment about the craziness we happen to stubble upon here in Oregon. To put it simply; SO many cars have the SAME bumper sticker which states "keep Oregon weird" ....I'm gonna say that accomplishing that goal has been a MAJOR success! It surely has come to pass right before our eyes. There's Never a dull moment! This week was one filled with ups and downs, unlike anything I have experienced thus far on my mission. Laughing, crying, stalking, yelling, counseling, frustration, anxiety, and my personal favorite,  reading my scriptures while crying/laughing about my day! Were just some of the emotions and activities that ole Sister Z participated in last week.

I'm am currently in the process of re-reading the Book Of Mormon. I'm in Alma 50. It's my goal to finish it before I go home. Ekk! Knowing the date and time of when I will be released is sooo surreal and so scary.,....... blah. Anyways I have come to LOVE THE SCRIPTURES SOOOOOO MUCH on my mission. Our Zone has also been studying the Christ-like Attributes... which are found in Preach My Gospel. This past week we studied about Humility. Humility is an attribute I don't think I will master until I get to the other side. But that's okay :) None of us are perfect, right??

I am torn between my longing to come home, to see my family, to meet my sisters, to return to school and "life" and my yearning to serve The Lord, my desire to be his servant, my love of teaching the Gospel. Every day I wake it's one day closer to the end of my mission, and I feel a sense of loss already. I pray I have served strong enough, that I have given all that I could; that I touched others lives as much as so many have touched mine. Each night after our prayers I lay thinking, could I have done more, are there those that I passed by today that I should have spoken to? With weeks left to serve, I am a hot mess of emotions! My gratitude for this mission is far too great to put into one message...this week, I am most grateful that while serving I discovered my love of: 

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Countless times I sought and found both comfort and solace in these words. I encourage all my friends and family to feast upon the words in the scriptures, find your mantra....find the words you need to gain the direction you seek, they ARE there! All we have to do is read, ponder and pray upon them! Ah...it really is THAT simple! DUH!

Oh, BTW I'm coming home! April 15th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End is Near

The past few weeks my testimony and love for the gospel of Jesus Christ has grown beyond words. I truly have come to know and understand that the ONLY way back to the presence of Our Father In Heaven in through the Savior, Jesus Christ. The past few weeks we have been teaching C--- She's 20 years old and a single mom. I love her with all my heart. And I KNOW that She is the reason I'm here in Albany, OR. We had an amazing lesson with her last week. As I sat next to her teaching and testifying of the reality and divinity of the Savior and His Gospel..... I felt the power of the love that our Father in Heaven has for her and her son... and because of that I felt the love he has for me. Even as a missionary I have days when I feel of little or no value and sometimes I just want to give up..... its in those moments that  the love my Father has for me and those that I teach sustains me and gives me strength. One thing my mission has taught me is how to recognize and understand the spirit... and I am FOREVER grateful for that. I KNOW that Jesus is the Christ. That our Father in Heaven knows us personally. I know that our life here on earth, as hard as it may be, is the ONLY way that we can learn and progress. I know that we must endure to the end in order to inherit ALL that The Father has. I know how important it is to build families on the rock of Jesus Christ. I know the church is true. 

N--- Z--- is still amazing! I love that man to death! He has changed my life....to say he is amazing, simplifies how actually inspiring he is! He dumped out his last beer the other day. It was a touching experience and I could see the change in him as it happened and felt a life altering change in myself witnessing it. 

Transfer calls are coming up on the 28th and I'm freaking out.... I will seriously implode  if I get transferred ! So pray that I don't! I can't believe I only have 7 weeks left to wear the name of The Lord on my Chest. My mind will not let me comprehend leaving this place, leaving these people, leaving this calling....I LOVE serving The Lord. 

Wednesday was my last zone conference! EVER! I cried pretty much the entire time.... just the thought of not being a missionary makes my eyes water.... It was soooo good to Sis E! I've missed her soo much! I will get to see her again today, we are having a mission wide meeting...our last time together as missionaries....it's sad to have all these "last things" happening, I'm not ready, I'm not done! 

Please, Please, PLEASE make time to have daily scripture study! You will literally convert yourself to Jesus Christ as you do. I am loving every day of my mission. I love and miss you all, and I WILL see you soon! April 16th = GO Time!